As a parent, you are aware of all the little things your child does, such as their facial expressions, their smiles, their responses to you when you talk to them, and their eye contact habits. Eye contact is one of the first ways we interact with each other. When you observe that your child doesn’t engage in eye contact often, or at all, you may have concerns about their development. Is it just a phase? Is it a characteristic? Or could it be a symptom of something else, like autism?
Eye contact can look different across early childhood, and development varies widely, these are general patterns, not milestones. During the first year of life, children often start to initiate more purposeful eye contact during feeding, play, and turn-taking interactions, although it may still be sporadic at times. When children enter the toddler stage (around 12-24 months), parents may begin to see more patterns emerge, such as whether the child looks at them during play, “checks in” for reassurance, or responds when spoken to. During the preschool years (around 3-5 years old), differences may become more apparent in social interactions, particularly when the child is interacting with strangers or other children.
Does Limited Eye Contact Indicate Autism?
Avoiding eye contact or limiting eye contact is one of the early signs that may be related to autism. Most, but not all, autistic children may have some differences in eye contact.
For some kids, making eye contact may feel overwhelming. It may affect how well they listen and focus on what is being said. Some kids may not instinctively look at the face of the person to get social cues, as most neurotypical kids do.
Here’s the thing: eye contact is just one part of the bigger picture. Other possible signs of autism may include:
- Playing alone
- Delays in talking or using body language
- Repeating body movements
- Difficulty with changes in daily routines
So, in a nutshell, limited eye contact in itself does not mean that the child is autistic. It is just a tiny part of a much larger picture. And, of course, when you see it, it is natural to wonder about it, as most parents would. The key thing to look at is the overall picture of the way in which the child communicates and connects, particularly if you see a few things. If you are unsure, it is always a good idea to get a professional opinion, which can be very clarifying and reassuring, and is in no way a commitment to any particular outcome.
Why Some Kids May Not Make Eye Contact
There are many different reasons a toddler or young child may not make eye contact, and this can manifest in different ways depending on the child’s age and stage.
How Eye Contact Can Vary By Age:
- For babies (under 12 months): eye contact is not always consistent and can be fleeting, particularly if the child is tired, overstimulated, or interested in something new.
- For a toddler (between the ages of 1 and 3): you may be able to see patterns emerging, such as whether the child looks at you during play, looks at you when they are unsure of something, or looks up when you say their name.
- For preschoolers (between the ages of 3 and 5): the differences in eye contact can be more obvious, particularly in social settings where children are expected to interact more with adults and other children.
Other Reasons Eye Contact May Be Limited:
- Sensory sensitivity: Some children find eye contact intense or overstimulating.
- Shyness or anxiety around new people: Some kids need time to warm up before they engage.
- Different attention patterns during interaction: Some children may focus more on objects or sensory input during interactions, which can reduce looking at faces in that moment.
Avoiding eye contact doesn’t necessarily mean that a child is ‘disconnected’ or ‘uninterested.’ Many autistic children are very interested in people, even if they show it differently.
Myths About Eye Contact and Autism
A lot of the eye contact advice is based on myths. The reality is, eye contact is not a clear-cut “yes/no” test for autism. The truth is, some autistic children do make eye contact, while others do not, not because they cannot, but often because it is uncomfortable for them, or requires a lot of mental energy. And while eye contact coaching can be useful in certain situations, it is not a universal solution, and the most important thing is to assist the child in communication in a way that is natural to them.
Myth 1: A child who maintains eye contact is not autistic.
Truth: Some autistic children may use brief eye contact or learn strategies for social situations. Eye contact alone doesn’t rule autism in or out.
Myth 2: A child who does not maintain eye contact is being impolite or disobedient.
Truth: It is not about being impolite or disobedient. If the child does have autism, the reason for not maintaining eye contact is because some autistic children find it difficult to maintain eye contact due to the amount of excess mental energy.
Myth 3: Children with autism should be taught to maintain eye contact.
Truth: While some children might benefit from being trained to use eye contact as a means of communication, this is not the case with all children. It is important to ensure that the child connects and communicates in a manner that is natural to him or her.
When to Ask for Autism Support
If you feel that something is different with your child’s eye contact and you are seeing other developmental red flags such as delayed speech, limited use of gestures, and repetitive behaviors, then you may want to discuss these with your pediatrician.
An autism-specific screening tool like the M-CHAT-R is commonly recommended at 18 and 24 months, alongside ongoing developmental surveillance. And if you’re seeing concerns before that, you can still ask questions and seek guidance. Early support can be very beneficial when developmental concerns are present, even while you’re still figuring out the underlying cause.
The compassionate team at Cultivate Behavioral Health & Education is here to help you make sense of what is going on with your child, whether they need therapy or not, and if you simply need reassurance.
A Supportive Approach to Eye Contact
We don’t believe in forcing children to look people in the eye. We believe in connection, and that might be through gestures, play, common interests, or many other things.
If eye contact is a barrier to communication, we work on it, but only if it is not uncomfortable or pressured. If it is not a barrier, we help your child form connections in many ways.
Understanding Eye Contact as a Sign of Autism
You know your child best. If something feels different, your concern is valid, and you’re not alone.
At Cultivate BHE, we’re here to support your family with warmth, understanding, and expertise. If your child avoids eye contact or communicates in their own special way, we can help you make sense of it, identify signs to watch out for, and plan the next steps forward, at your child’s pace.
Contact us today to learn more about early autism detection, and how we support development through ABA therapy.
